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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

"You Outta Be in Pictures..."

Look out world, I got my sassy pants on today! After two frustrating and futile days of trolling LexisNexis and WestLaw, I found relevant law for my case! Huzzah!!! To celebrate, my mom and I are going to see that Tim Burton movie, Dark Shadows.

You may be wondering, "You're seeing a movie on a Wednesday night? Don't you have to be at work at 8am tomorrow?"
Yup, we're partying on a school night 'cause we're gansta like that.
"Isn't that movie a few weeks old?"
I like my movies like I like my wine...aged.
"Didn't you see that movie in Boston with your friend?"
What's your point? You pay cable to watch reruns, don't you?
"And you're seeing it with your mom?"
You obviously have not met Big Ma T.

Like most things in my life, I don't do movies like everybody else. I do things differently. My way often does not make sense. It may not even seem fun. But trust me, my rules make my life better. And it might make your life better too...so I'll share a few of my secrets. Just 'cause I'm gangsta like that.

Cora's Awesome (but nontraditional) Movie Rules

* Flying Solo - You don't have to wait for someone to get there or compromise about which movie to see. If you want to see that French documentary about mimes on Sunday at 4:30pm, you go on and have the time of your life.
* Never Go On Opening Weekend - All the tweens and prosti-tots get dropped off at the movie theatre on Friday and Saturday nights. The girls suddenly lose half their clothes once their parents are gone. The boys have bathed in Axe or some equally horrid body spray. They text and tweet and update their facebook statuses the entire movie. Tweens travel in packs, especially the girls, so you're not just dealing with one annoyance. You're dealing with a herd of hormones.
[The exception to the Opening Weekend rule is the midnight showing of truly amazing movies. But only if you dress up for the event]
* Unusual Timing - The best part about seeing a movie at 3pm on a school day? NO ONE ELSE IS THERE! I have seen movies where I'm the only person in the theatre. It was amazing. You can prop your feet up and no one cares. You can also sneak in better food when there are less snitches around.
* Bring Your Own Snacks - The only reason to pay $3 for Raisinettes is poor planning. Amateurs sneak candy in their purses or coat-pockets. pfft! Let me tell you, there is nothing better than eating a foot long Subway sandwich while mocking Kristen Stewart.
* Be a Critic - The previews are the best part. You get a glance of ten movies you'll never actually have time to see, but promise yourself that you will. Everyone judges how awesome or horrible that movie will be based on those 15 second clips. Then they vocalize those opinions to the person next to them.
* Double Vision - if you loved the movie the first time, you'll love it the second time. And you'll love it better as you mock it with your friends. I've had some of the greatest times watching horrible movies with amazing friends.

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